I don't want to alarm you..

But you have a shark on your lap.

...and that's not a euphemism.

Marking will be the end of me.

If ever you wonder - "hey, why doesn't Jackie update as often as she used to" - not that I ever was a regular poster, or that you would even bother with such frivolous things.

Either way...below is the reason why I don't really get to do things I enjoy

marking, marking, marking and more marking. This is the aftermath of procrastination.

There is good news and bad news:

The good news is I finished AND was still able to do some other things I wanted : search for halloween costumes, laundry, clean the house AND finish watching the 3rd season of Mad Men.

The bad news is - I am collecting 2 other assignments this week.

It never ends.

10 Days is all it takes

I started the following blog a week or so ago (about 10 days)... please read:

I think it is safe to say now here in blog land that Dave and I are searching for a new home. After visiting my cousin's gorgeous new home we left with aspirations of our future. Where we wanted to be, what the house would look like. This was of course after a large argument which in reality did not come from anger, and was not even directed at one another, but rather just the outcome of usual frustrations. The largest being - my job. Sadly, being a contract teacher, my job is considered "unstable" as I am not permanent. I am only in my second year (I never count the year I was sick) so in all respect, I am doing much better than other who cannot even get on the supply list - so I am grateful!

Either way, we were frustrated with not being able to move forward, gain more space and most importantly, move closer to family. Within the day, Dave had created a budget and contacted our mortgage specialist. By the end of the long weekend we had been tentatively cleared for an amazing price range and we started looking at homes. Now a week later from all this Dave has spent days perfecting the budget to ensure that we still have "mad money" (read: Lulu lemon shopping sprees) and of course a nest egg/rainy day fun. Now we just need to find the perfect home that meets our (read: my) looooong list of "must haves". This presents excitement, a challenge and most important a much needed and desired change. I will be sure to keep you all in the loop on our exciting search.

....

Well - now, as I said this was 10 days ago - and currently as I take a break from my marking I look up to the overhead printer to see that Dave is printing off our tentative mortgage information (or something of the like). That's right - we bought a house.A gorgeous 2600 sq. ft home, meeting all our requirements and then some. Most importantly it's closer to family and friends - best of all, 5 small blocks from my sister.

We don't move until June 2011 - so stayed tuned for all the home details I prepare in the meanwhile.

A month!? really!?

Oh hi Blog. it's been forever since I updated you - one day short of a month!

So since it has been so very long, let's recap what has happened in a month's time.

I have to say I am proud of myself and my teaching abilities in math. I have worked hard to review concepts, and in some cases outright learn them, and then I make sure I have ample ways to teach my disengaged students. Dave has been a huge help and practices his patience to teach me, or answer my questions. He has also reminded me that in this "challenge", I am also conquering a big regret in my life. Often I look back and think in remorse of my former inabilities in the subject, and even though I am no where near an academic level, I feel more confident and capable everyday.

I had just misunderstood math but in reality we share many similarities - we only have one right answer, there is a strict method and order and if you follow it you will be rewarded with a correct answer. We both have unanswered variables that we need to solve by sorting out, or balancing.

...but in the end I am an English teacher to the core, as you may have noticed I just created a comparison of math to my own life and persona.

On September 23, my heart was heavy as I glared at my calendar and the event of "Bernies Birthday". He would have been 40. I wrote on his Facebook wall, I had to acknowledge it somehow and for me I guess that was the best way.

Then again on October 1st, a lump in my throat stuck as I walked through the doors of a big charity event. A charity bash created by and for my friend Lindsay - raising awareness and funds for brain tumor research. This would be the first bash without her. As Cheryl and I walked in we heard a video playing and were able to catch the last few moments. An amazing tribute to a strong woman and all the good she had done. In the end they played a clip of her speaking from the first bash night. It was the first time I heard her speak in a year, and although I had looked at pictures often there is something about a voice that we can never imagine or recreate. To end the video was a clip of Linds dancing like a fool- a video that had been on facebook for a while but without sound. On this night they had added Madonna's "Hung Up" - and amazingly light and fun way to end the video and keep things positive. Later I spoke with good friends and as we recounted memories I noted that this would be one pain that I just don't think I will ever be rid of. It may get easier to speak about as time goes on but I don't think the pain will ever go. Before leaving a purchased a silver 'B' necklace and haven't taken it off since.

On a lighter note on September 30 I turned 27. I am always excited for birthdays but I never plan anything because it almost always ends in disappointment. This year I opted for dinner on Friday with friends and a walk through Nuit Blanche. My mom had given Dave and I a comp. night for a Toronto hotel, and my in-laws agreed happily to watch Blondie (our little furbaby). A wonderful night all around!

B and I celebrating at dinner - he was born on the 29th.

Dave and I doing what we do best - be silly.

can't type. too tired.

day two completed and I am wiped.

can barely stay awake and if it wasn't for an impromptu skype call to Australia I would be in bed by now.

...and now I'm off.

More details as I regain consciousness.

here is a picture of my favourite little guy

Blondie update

In other news, little pup Blondie is adapting well to being home alone for a longer span - I hope she keeps this up as mid-terms or exams come around!

Here is her latest, and greatest "trick"

...watch for the leap!

The call

I didn't wait too long - a few hours and the call was received. I was offered a position for one semester at a wonderful school.

...and yes, it did include the math. I would start tomorrow (Wednesday).

On Wednesday I put on a casual, comfortable yet powerful outfit complete with my lucky sandals, ready to meet new people and start a new page. I arrived 10 minutes before the start time - not too keen and early, but just enough to say "I am professional". Apparently TOO professional - today was "breezy" and started "around" a time. I introduced myself to those around me, and as each new person entered, I was sure to continue my kind "hello, I'm Jackie, I'm new to the school" and each person would give a welcome followed by a "where are you coming from?" or "how long have you been an LTO?" (contract teacher). There were moments of "Jackie" very fun, lively telling a story or a joke and then there were other times of my shy, reserved self that would poke through.

"Teaching one math!? really!! you are brave!"

"you have a math background?" - as if they could see plainly on my face that not one stitch of my body enjoyed math.

each time I responded the same, almost as if I was asked about religion.

"I am believer of math but I am not a big practicer" people giggled at this - but it's true. I WANT to be able to do formulas, answer equations, graph but at a young age I told myself "I can't" and just gave up. Plain and simple. I am quite honest to those who ask - it is one of my regrets in life.

Now I can regain some of it - find a new passion in teaching it as well as learning it. I am older , I have gained more life experience so I can't help but think - will this be like that novel I read in grade 10 and hated - only to love at age 20.

Today at school was a bit different - the feeling of the new person began to resonate and each time I got nervous or scared I reminded myself of how I felt at my previous position both at the beginning of the year and then at the end. It is very comparable to a young child going to sleep-away camp for the first time, crying "I don't want to go!" only to beg to stay longer when it was over.

It will take time, as most things do.