...and yes, it did include the math. I would start tomorrow (Wednesday).
On Wednesday I put on a casual, comfortable yet powerful outfit complete with my lucky sandals, ready to meet new people and start a new page. I arrived 10 minutes before the start time - not too keen and early, but just enough to say "I am professional". Apparently TOO professional - today was "breezy" and started "around" a time. I introduced myself to those around me, and as each new person entered, I was sure to continue my kind "hello, I'm Jackie, I'm new to the school" and each person would give a welcome followed by a "where are you coming from?" or "how long have you been an LTO?" (contract teacher). There were moments of "Jackie" very fun, lively telling a story or a joke and then there were other times of my shy, reserved self that would poke through.
"Teaching one math!? really!! you are brave!"
"you have a math background?" - as if they could see plainly on my face that not one stitch of my body enjoyed math.
each time I responded the same, almost as if I was asked about religion.
"I am believer of math but I am not a big practicer" people giggled at this - but it's true. I WANT to be able to do formulas, answer equations, graph but at a young age I told myself "I can't" and just gave up. Plain and simple. I am quite honest to those who ask - it is one of my regrets in life.
Now I can regain some of it - find a new passion in teaching it as well as learning it. I am older , I have gained more life experience so I can't help but think - will this be like that novel I read in grade 10 and hated - only to love at age 20.
Today at school was a bit different - the feeling of the new person began to resonate and each time I got nervous or scared I reminded myself of how I felt at my previous position both at the beginning of the year and then at the end. It is very comparable to a young child going to sleep-away camp for the first time, crying "I don't want to go!" only to beg to stay longer when it was over.
It will take time, as most things do.
my stomach gets a wee bit jumpy nervous for you --- feeling a bit like your mom -- nervous for you striking out on your own -- even though you've struck out before -- that sounds a bit funny now, having typed it, but you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteI think that it was only a year ago that I met your shiny and sunny self the first day -- little did I know then how important you'd become in our dept. and to me...
I know you'll have the same impact on someone you meet on Tuesday, colleague or student -- it will happen.
miss you.