This will have to do...

There are many reasons I have a love/hate relationship with facebook but recently my biggest pet peeve is located on the right hand side. Pictures of friends you haven't contacted recently will pop up and below them a little blurb: "say hi." or "share the latest news". A good idea, maybe, however for the last 2 months the only 2 people to appear have been Lindsay and Bernie.

I feel like writing facebook a bitter letter...

but I'd rather write to Linds and B....

Nucca -

I am coaching senior boys basketball. Stop laughing. It reminds me of our grade 10 gym class - the one with Leone, Rosie and Cams - we were on the same team and I would smack talk beause you are so much taller than me, but I felt my voice would make up where my height lacked. We kept laughing and you would wave your arms like a bad dance move to distract me. Ms. Fair told us to stop goofing around, and we giggled. I think about you often when I'm teaching, especially when these two girls in my class won't stop talking or texting. I still have notes we passed each other from grade 11 or 12 English, something about a party one of us was having and needing "bouncers". I was telling my grade 12's the tradition from BA with our dress shirts - they have golf shirts only by the way. I remember when you wrote on my shirt, it was just after you were all signed up for X and still trying to convince me to go. I called you a traitor since I was still set on Laurier.

My phone erases messages after 90 days, and just recently your last text messages were gone...your contact is still there.

I miss you. You still keep me strong, and thankful.

xo

Nucca

B-

24 is ridiculous right now and Chloe is still just as awkward. You would love Renee - she is trying to get herself killed - but in Jack Bauer type way. I am sure you would hate Hastings though. I have to skip over so many songs on my ipod now. There, are you happy - my playlists are uneven. You would hate that too. "You should just be able to press play!" Lewis Black was on tv the other night talking about being Jewish (what else) and I wish you could have heard it. I am sure you would smirk at facebook reminding me to "say hi". I wish we did go for Thai food that night. Gin Blossoms always seem to play on satellite radio - every time they do, I tell Dave that they are your favourite. He never tells me that I have already said that. For some reason that comforts me, as if this "new" piece of information makes you still here. I found out where back bartender is now working - you are right, he is still going no where - and I am glad I listened to you al those years ago. I hope you will still give me advice. I will still come to you for it.

I hope they have some crystal light in heaven, and western omlettes.

hugs.

xo

-J

...there I feel a bit better.

Money, Money, Money, Moneyyyy...Moooney!

So, with much of my usual reluctancy I approved the purchase of Dave's super professional new camera. There were certain caveats to it of course (as any big expense has) and in this case it was a trade-off, but more on that later.

Dave and I were a match from the moment we met - even when we were just friends we shared the same views on several things - and others we debated ad nauseam. One thing that became the forefront in marriage was money. No problem we thought, we love to save, we are very frugal and at the expense of others comedy, our economical union was made.

Dave being the forever number cruncher, made sure we were always well equipped with a budget and buying a house was no light matter. We knew exactly what we could spend, where we had leeway and what we had to say goodbye too. A very unusual thing for people of 24/25, we were told many times. Of course like any couple we had kinks in our system - being in hospital or sick for a year and not working really threw us for a loop but we learnt to live on less, and it was for the best.

Now with a safe nest egg we are able to build our life, allow for the same shared overages: clothes, trips, nights out and extras. It's a perfect match. However, we are usually met with "how can you afford that?" or the like. It's frustrating but also a little rewarding - our little secret to money management.

Now back to the trade off - with Dave's new camera bought with his bonus - the next allows me to start decorating our home. At first I thought big - new washer and dryer but again another connection Dave and I have is our constant research, no money is spent without knowing it's real value - sure we "WANT" it but do we "NEED" it and more importantly - will we USE it?As my mother always tells me - my items are well-loved. We came to a general consensus years ago that you should have some "wants" but to make sure they have true value - will not decrease, have re-sell ability etc. So with all this - the new washer and dryer is better reserved for a new home, and for now items to make this home "ours" will be the focus. I will buy some frames, or salvage them from small shops and hang the products of Dave's new passion.

In the meantime - check out his new blog:

www.stillprints.blogspot.com

I hope this discourages him from sending out mass e-mails of his "works of art" and instead display them from all to see (without clogging mail servers)

gotta love him.

Life Lessons

I have heard it said that the traits and personalities we develop in kindergarten will carry over the same in adulthood. We may change here or there but in general we will be the same. That being said, I really hope that none of you are still eating glue or wetting your pants if you can’t get your jeans unbuttoned in time.

As a child I was generally shy – I know hard to believe - but once I warmed up to someone I was loud and always giggling. I would share sometimes, depending on what it was, but almost never when it came to food. Generally, I think these are still the same attributes that I carried into adult life but my questions remain in those awkward teen years of self-discovery. I am speaking of course about high school.

Working as a high school teacher, I am constantly propelled back into my teenage years. 10 years ago I was smack dab in the middle of high school, probably out of uniform, talking in class or trying to make the teacher laugh. These are the years I was trying to find my place and my voice. I watch my students grapple with the real important issues – where they are going Friday night? What she/he said about she/he? You know, the big issues. I laugh at them when they are “so pissed” at one of their best friends but then think of the times when I would act the same, the difficult life lessons I learnt about what friendship is, and what makes a true friend. Or, when the boy they are crushing on doesn’t seem to reciprocate; my heart aches thinking of my overweight high school self and how I was always “just a friend”. 10 years ago these were the big problems and now in retrospect I see how all of that has helped me appreciate what I have now and the decisions I have had to make.

Now as an adult (some may argue) I have been through a whirlwind and I want to shake my students urging them to make changes, telling them that high school will be over soon and in real life you have to make real decisions.

But…

Then I think of all the earth shattering problems I faced in high school have become so miniscule now, and those mountains I had to climb in university were nothing compared to the battles I have fought recently.

The point is, you survive. You live. More importantly you learn. As a wonderful and loved friend of mine says “Practice, Patience, Progress.”

What I have learnt so far is to keep your chin held high, be kind, confident and more importantly, humble. Laugh whenever possible and take time for yourself. When you try to please everyone you will always end up hurting people and mostly yourself. Things can always get worse so appreciate the lesson and learn it well so you are better prepared for the next hurdle. Spend time with those you love because “talk to you soon” may not come as soon as you would like.

Love deeply, learn wisely, and laugh loudly.

A year in review...

"I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful, I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now." - Sofia Loren

As we were nearing closer to the end of 2009 the common phrase said to me was "I bet you can't wait to say goodbye to 2009!" In reality I spent much of 2009 very sick, in hospital or in bed. Many tears and many "I can't do this anymore" and then even more tears losing Lindsay and Bernie- But - but here I sit reflecting on the year and even as the tears come, I can't help but think of moving to our home, getting married, dancing with my dad at the wedding, the engagement of my sister to Danny, getting a full year position at the school I had to leave, the birth of my nephew Ivan Alexander, and the births of my cousins Gracie and Kyla.

So, I present to you - a year in review - in pictures....

January - Me and Babbo on the night Dave and I moved into our new house (no pictures of moving - so this will have to do..) This was also the first night of sickness - medication was not working, and the first round of tests was scheduled.

February - Hired for my first LTO - Religion grade 10 and English grade 12 College. Very excited to "get my feet wet". Here I am working hard in front of the TV, planning my lessons.

March - week before March break, I decide to skip out on Monday's "24", and a while later Dave hears my screams for help as I am doubled over in pain. Admitted to emerg. spent 10 days in hospital. No actual picture of the night, but another emerg. photo will have to sub-in.

April - Admitted, once again, to hospital the day of parent-teacher interviews. New found problem of an abscess now complicates diagnosis and treatment. Had to resign from my position at work from my hospital room. Wedding put on hold due to unknown future of my health. Hooked to picc line, that "fed" me - had dreams of eating for days...

May - Transferred to Mt. Sinai, keeping positive vibes flowing. Spent both mother's day and my mothers birthday with my mom by my side from 7:30am until 7:00 pm. God bless that woman. At 7:00pm Dave would come after a hard day's work and stay would hold my hand until I fell asleep. Hospital stay ended after 3 and a half weeks.

May - Also my sister's birthday in which she got engaged AT DISNEY! (good for you Danny!) Was home from hospital and could "enjoy" her engagement party. Downside of my illness = no energy, and I fell asleep half way through the day.

June - After failed attempts of new treatments, I am waiting to hear about surgery dates. Knowing that I have planed a wedding for August the doctor makes time for me in her very booked schedule so I can be healed in time to dance at my own wedding. For weeks I waited growing weaker each day. Not being able to eat anymore, doctor says to keep hydrated and soon I was not able to even drink water. Was admitted to emergency 4 days before scheduled surgery. Family would stay vigilant at bedside. Here a bedside brickbreaker blackberry tournament.

June 22 - Surgery day! FINALLY!

A special note about love. Love is not always the romance the movies portrays. It can be ugly; it can be watching your loved one in pain for months and not be able to do anything. Love is travelling an hour just to pick up wedding RSVPS only to travel an hour back to the hospital so your soon to be wife would have a bright point in her day. My friends, love is sleeping on a makeshift bed when "visiting" hours are over.

July - A new woman, with a new leash of life.
I am surprised with an impromptu bachelorette at my favourite restaurant!

Dave and I are 2 weeks away from our own wedding, and we celebrate the marriage of two great friends - Tamir and Michelle


August - on the 15th I marry my best-friend at my "Old Hollywood" dream wedding - walk down the aisle to "our" song in a string quartet version, had a fantastic live band, was surrounded with our amazingly supportive family and friends - and did I mention the candy bar!?!


I dance with my Babbo to Dean Martin

We honeymoon in San Fran - and I ride the rails, walk for hours and eat some amazing seafood.

September - Now hired for a full year at the school I had to sadly leave when I first got ill - I am excited to prove myself as a teacher. I also turn 26 with 3 ladies who have always stood by me.

October - I wait...I wait..and WAIT for my little niece or nephew to arrive....I giggle as he turns and kicks

November - on the 25th I get news that a dear friend has passed away suddenly...I make arrangements with friends to make the trip to Waterloo and attend the service. A beautiful setting with music and pictures playing to commemorate a wonderful man - Bernie you are a dear and wonderful friend and I will miss you.

On the day of the funeral, I am leaving school to change and meet my ride - I get a call - the most inspirational woman and friend I have even known has lost her battle against a brain tumor that plagued her for 5 years. B-Strong, a foundation she created will win the war in her memory. I cried even harder at Bernie's funeral thinking how the world has lost two amazing people so soon.

Driving home from Bernie's funeral I get a text message that Lauren has given birth - Dave's cousin is a father and we are extended cousins to Gracie Hope

On Friday November 27, my heart hurts as I wear my B-strong hat to school and even though I am grateful for the blessing of Gracie in our lives, I still think of my two dear friends. At 11:56 I get a call that Emily has gone in to labour and very soon I will be a Zia (aunt)
That evening, I meet my nephew - Ivan Alexander and through tears I tell him "You came at the perfect time"

December - Dave buys us our first Christmas tree together - and his first tree EVER!

Ivan celebrates his first Hanukkah with the family.

..and on the 27, one month after Ivan, my cousin Kelly gave birth to her beautiful daughter Kyla

As difficult as 2009 was - I would not trade it for the world. Maybe it's the Libra in me but as Sofia Loren says - this has made me the person I am today.

Secret hearts and Spiral notebooks

Since I could remember I have always enjoyed writing. I could hardly wait to start a new notebook and to this day I am still collecting journals here and there. In school the big excitement came with January when I would get a new agenda. The first day I would set out different colour pens and glide page to page neatly printing birthdates adding hearts and stars. I would carefully detail my homework, colour code and underline. Math: pg 22-45, English: Read chapt. 3-5, finish vocab. Extra space would be filled with secret hearts dedicated to the boys I admired from far. I would write in the initials then quickly colour over it, keeping them hidden.

Through high school the pages would be filled by notes to friends (in class mind you) oh my god you know who I saw yesterday when I was at the mall....homework would be sparse, and space would be dedicated to after school curricular and various parties at the houses of friends whose parents were vacationing.

In university I seemed to amalgamate my prior school years. My due dates were bold and bright, and I set up careful scheduling to complete readings and tutorials. A precise and strict colour coding was in place. However, there were still colourfully decorated KEGGER @ ____ or St. FX trip!

As I grew older the excitement was still there with each new notebook or agenda I would purchase. In addition to my meticulous day planning I added list-making to my talents. However with the ever changing technology my not so secret obsession was becoming obsolete. I refused for years to make a switch. Now as a teacher, my students are constantly putting reminders and notes in their iphones or blackberries (the ones that they aren't supposed to have visible) and they giggle as I take out my calendar and a pencil. As if I were taking out a stone tablet and chiseling due dates.

In some ways I am adapting - I journal on my computer. I often send snippets to friends through e-mail and now this...this "blog"- although sounding slimy - it is out there - in the open for all to see.

Although repressed of the secret hearts of my past, I think I will enjoy sharing my oddities with you and I hope you will come to enjoy them too.